<On the evening news:>
In studio: More information has come in on the prank that tied up traffic
for over four hours last week. An anonymous tipster delivered a video tape
to police, of the prankster commiting the crime. The view switches to the
following
Watching the video tape, one would see the following:
Toronto natives will recognize the first scene as the downtown financial
center. Two figures dressed in odd colored jumpsuits, hard hats and
goggles (Vandal #1 and Vandal #2) mostly just blurs -- are gathered around
a junction box next to a traffic light. They appear to be mumbling to each
other, but the microphone only picks up static and distant honking.
Time passes.
Vandal #2 smokes one cigarette, and then another, and then another. Vandal
#2 sits down on a toolbox, then stands up. Vandal #1 throws something in
the garbage. Vandal #2 spraypaints something on the ground, then
disappears with Vandal #1 -- who has completed whatever electronic work
Vandal #1 was doing inside the junction box -- out of the frame.
The camera turns off.
Apparently several minutes later, Vandal #2 reappears, half out of frame,
eating a McDonalds cheeseburger in the back of a moving van. The camera is
focused out the window. More time passes. Vandal #2, Vandal #1, and a Drag
Queen discuss inanities.
Then all hell breaks loose.
There's cheering from inside the van -- Vandal #2 screaming an incoherent
and staticky 'fuck yeah!', Vandal #1 giving a peace sign to the camera --
and at first it's not obvious what's happened. Then the camera focuses:
two Cadilacs have T-boned in the middle of the intersection. Other cars
are desperately trying to get around them. Most end up on the sidewalk. In
the distance, outside the car, tinny techno music plays.
The music is playing in sync with the blinking of the streetlights, which
have altogether abandoned their appointed function and are now simply
providing a light show. Pedestrians stop and gawk. A semi screeches to a
halt, nearly blocking off the road. Someone starts dancing. In the
distance, through layers of static and self-congratulatory yelling, you
can hear police sirens, ambulance sirens, fire truck sirens.
There's a screech of rubber on pavement as Drag Queen, who is in the
driver's seat, does a bootleg reverse. The videocamera slams against the
side of the car. The picture goes fuzzy, and someone -- probably Vandal #1
-- swears viciously. The downtown zooms by, cocked at a crazy angle for a
moment, and then the video turns off.
Back in the studio: Police have not been able to gain any leads from the
video yet, but they have asked anyone that knows anything about these
vandels to report the information to police. Tips can be made anonymously
at...