Larryian Ontology

This needs explaining. There is a Veggie Tales song that appears in the segment, "Silly Songs with Larry" which explains, with no ambiguity, an answer to the deep question: what is there? Larry tells us that there are two fundamental ontological essences in the universe. There are things with tails and things without tails. If it has a tail, it's a monkey. If it doesn't have a tail, it's an ape, even if it has a monkey kind of shape.

Here's the video, words straight from the prophet himself.

And here's the manifesto which promotes a Larryian Ontological Dualism while denouncing monism (there are only tails) and trichotomies (there are monkeys, apes, and tails). The thesis is conditional: "If Larry is authoritative, then dualism must hold." There are a number of implications that make us uneasy but who are we to question the Lady at the Zoo? Of course, this is a very serious matter.